We've been doing some various meet-and-greets with the job search the past few months, which of course involves pulling out a socially acceptable set of "get to know you" questions. So, I have some questions for you: what do you typically ask someone you have just met? What aspects of our shared realities are appropriate forms of introduction? Please feel free to answer below in the comments question (these questions are not rhetorical! :), though I'll attempt to offer my own answers here.
In Atlanta, university affiliation (which often aligns with sports affiliation) is a significant aspect of shared reality and identity. It seems like ATL folks typically ask what university we've attended (or what team we root for) right off the bat. Since careerism is the raison d'etre in DC, new acquaintances almost always inquire about the other person's line of work. Across the US, we may then sprinkle in a question about where we are from, what brought us to whatever common event we are experiencing, as well as some banal yet innocuous* comment about the weather. This list typically proves effective for introductory pleasantries.**
Living in China has taught us to craft another list of "get to know you" questions. The question "where are you from?" is still a common one, though often elicits responses from countries across the world (we've met folks from the Seychelles, Uzbekistan, Suriname, and even the UK! :). From there, however, the questions differ greatly since shared reality and cultural markers are not the same as the ones back home.
For one thing, the question "what do you do?" often has a boring response if it involves a job. Probably 90% of the expats in this country are students (largely from Africa, Asia, and Eastern Europe), ESOL teachers (largely from native English-speaking countries), or quality control managers for some esoteric manufacturing company. A more interesting question, however, may be "what brings you to China?" People's reasons and motives for moving here often have nothing to do with their jobs, and are as varied as the countries they represent.
"So what do you ask people you've just met?" you may be wondering. Fear not, dear reader! I am here to quench your curiosity :). Here are topics I've found to be typical in an introductory conversation with other expats:
1) "How do you get around the city?" (or "how did you get here today?"): Quite an interesting question in cities where driving is incredibly expensive, cumbersome, and dangerous. Taxis are an option, though almost non-existent at shift change. Some wealthier expats work for companies that provide them drivers, partly to avoid grave liabilities if the expat were to get involved in an accident while driving (which is very likely, given the psychotic driving habits here!). Some people use motor bikes to get around--while often the quickest way to travel, they are incredibly dangerous (stories of e-bike fatalities are common). Some people bike, though bikes are often stolen and are not suitable for rainy days or long distances. The Metro is an option in Shanghai (as well as cheap ferries to cross the river that divides the city). Buses in both Shanghai and Hangzhou are cheap and safe, though often packed and SLOW. In short, the question about traversing the city is one that never fails to unite and to amuse a new group of foreigners who have just become acquainted.
2) "Have you found (insert favorite product or grocery from back home here)?, Where did you find it?:" All expats have that special something they crave from their home country and would love to have in China as a source of comfort. Whether it's a special spice, coffee flavor, soap, board game, pair of jeans, or staple ingredient in a beloved dish, we all want to expand our inventory of cherished and familiar items. This question also allows acquaintances to flatter the other person's prowess at hunting and gathering. Asking each other about finding beloved products not only benefits the inquirer, but it potentially gives face to the addressee. Double points in a country where face is paramount!
3) "Have you eaten at (insert restaurant name here)? Is it safe?" In addition to re-discovering treasures from back home, expats also like to try out new restaurants and eating establishments (fried rice and noodles only do the job for so long). While DC and Atlanta also share such foodie tendencies, the experience of eating out becomes complicated in a country where sanitation and food safety can be problematic. In fact, we've discovered a strange yet comforting willingness among expats to discuss our digestive tracts with people we've only recently met. A topic that is awkward and often taboo back home is merely a fact of life in the Middle Kingdom.
Phew! That's a mouthful already, so I should probably end today. I'd love to know your thoughts on ice breakers you've found effective (both in your home country and abroad), and I'm hoping some new friends here may know how to find stuffing mix--I'd love to make a little treat with Thanksgiving around the corner! :)
*Though sadly, I acknowledge the weather has been a source of increasingly frequent suffering for many Americans in recent years. The reasons for changing weather patterns, however, are typically not discussed with someone we've just met (or in this blog post!) :)
**Though of course these questions become complicated for those of different social classes, the unemployed, etc. Such complexities are also fodder for another blog post!