In October 2011, Brian and I continued to oscillate between despair and hope, waiting and action, health and sickness, loneliness and connections. A huge theme in my journals this month is the desire to make friends. I admittedly had mixed motives for such relationships. We certainly wanted friendship for its own sake--it's much more enjoyable to share dumplings and lotus pond visits with others! Yet we also knew we could desperately use some social capital in a country where everything happens through 关系 (guanxi, which means "connections"). Even if we could fluently speak Chinese, we knew we wouldn't simply do an internet search for long-term housing, employment, online shopping, or utility payment--no one in China does that. Whether you are a local or a foreigner, doors only open in China through the right relationships. We quickly discovered that 关系 had the power to worsen or to improve our lives.
Jesus, I pray for our time here. My continual prayer is to know where to pursue friendships. Thank you that we are meeting nice people, Lord. I pray for patience to know how I’m supposed to serve you. It’s not quite as “urgent” feeling as it first was when we arrived. I don’t feel compelled to wear my laurels on my sleeve as much now. I don’t feel as determined to prove myself. But I still do want to feel like I’m serving you, and I want to connect with others who feel called to give their lives to you...Introduce us to those people....We could use some guanxi [connections] here, Lord (October 12, 2011).
One of the first places we sought 关系 was at HICF, the only English-speaking Protestant church in our new city of six million people. No church shopping for us: if we wanted to worship somewhere we could take communion, and in a language we understood, then we had one option! Since the dominant demographic at HICF was African international students, church attendance offered us many rich opportunities for intercultural fellowship, challenge, and growth. We certainly chuckled when the friendships in China that blossomed the most quickly were not with with locals, but with believers from Botswana, Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, and Ghana.
Thank you for the Bible study last night. Thank you that we can submit to African leadership. There is deep blessing in it, even as I catch myself being humbled in unexpected ways. Thank you that the worship leader, preacher, and young adult leader on Sunday (and last night) were African. May I have ears to hear, Lord, and be willing to listen (October 18, 2011).
I was incredibly blessed by last night’s Bible study...I’m also intrigued by the different theologies in the room—theologies that focus on authority, and African theologies that focus on blood. It’s a little strange, and different from what I’m used to, and yet I’m blessed by it. It’s helping me to ask new questions...I also love the warmth of the African leadership at church...It’s also interesting the African notion of time—church and Bible study can last quite awhile. It’s hard sometimes to let go of my notions of time, yet I like how they are so intent on being present in that moment (October 25, 2011).
Jesus, I pray for our time here. My continual prayer is to know where to pursue friendships. Thank you that we are meeting nice people, Lord. I pray for patience to know how I’m supposed to serve you. It’s not quite as “urgent” feeling as it first was when we arrived. I don’t feel compelled to wear my laurels on my sleeve as much now. I don’t feel as determined to prove myself. But I still do want to feel like I’m serving you, and I want to connect with others who feel called to give their lives to you...Introduce us to those people....We could use some guanxi [connections] here, Lord (October 12, 2011).
One of the first places we sought 关系 was at HICF, the only English-speaking Protestant church in our new city of six million people. No church shopping for us: if we wanted to worship somewhere we could take communion, and in a language we understood, then we had one option! Since the dominant demographic at HICF was African international students, church attendance offered us many rich opportunities for intercultural fellowship, challenge, and growth. We certainly chuckled when the friendships in China that blossomed the most quickly were not with with locals, but with believers from Botswana, Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, and Ghana.
Thank you for the Bible study last night. Thank you that we can submit to African leadership. There is deep blessing in it, even as I catch myself being humbled in unexpected ways. Thank you that the worship leader, preacher, and young adult leader on Sunday (and last night) were African. May I have ears to hear, Lord, and be willing to listen (October 18, 2011).
I was incredibly blessed by last night’s Bible study...I’m also intrigued by the different theologies in the room—theologies that focus on authority, and African theologies that focus on blood. It’s a little strange, and different from what I’m used to, and yet I’m blessed by it. It’s helping me to ask new questions...I also love the warmth of the African leadership at church...It’s also interesting the African notion of time—church and Bible study can last quite awhile. It’s hard sometimes to let go of my notions of time, yet I like how they are so intent on being present in that moment (October 25, 2011).
As we settled into a rhythm in our language classes, we also developed friendships with our Chinese teachers and our classmates from England, Mexico, Iran, Turkmenistan, Russia, Australia, France, Spain, and Kazakhstan. We tried to take advantage of every social opportunity available to us: having dinner with Chinese students who are studying English. Meeting with friends-of-friends for Korean BBQ and card games. Joining classmates for lamb and na'an dishes in the university's Muslim cafeteria. Putting ourselves out there and taking risks. We even went on an overnight trip with some of our classmates to Huangshan (Yellow Mountain), one of the most famous mountains in China!
We certainly enjoyed these new and strange opportunities, yet there were admittedly frustrations, as well. We discovered many unspoken expectations that we've inherited from our own culture only after a new friend violated them. If someone invites us out for dinner, who is expected to pay? If someone invites us out to dinner, does she REALLY mean the invite, or is she just simply being polite? If I want to ask a new friend a question, how urgently and how often can I contact him to ask? Though we were tempted to judge, God invited us instead to learn.
May we continue to wait patiently for more opportunities...May we know how to exercise freedom of speech in this country, Lord. You are teaching us to ask questions instead of to give answers. I’m learning that this is more effective here for many reasons, Lord. There’s a lesson in that for us, Jesus. May we receive it (October 18, 2011).
We certainly enjoyed these new and strange opportunities, yet there were admittedly frustrations, as well. We discovered many unspoken expectations that we've inherited from our own culture only after a new friend violated them. If someone invites us out for dinner, who is expected to pay? If someone invites us out to dinner, does she REALLY mean the invite, or is she just simply being polite? If I want to ask a new friend a question, how urgently and how often can I contact him to ask? Though we were tempted to judge, God invited us instead to learn.
May we continue to wait patiently for more opportunities...May we know how to exercise freedom of speech in this country, Lord. You are teaching us to ask questions instead of to give answers. I’m learning that this is more effective here for many reasons, Lord. There’s a lesson in that for us, Jesus. May we receive it (October 18, 2011).