Chinese speakers use the word 不清楚 (unclear, not clear) in two ways. The first way cares more about saving face than being open about the situation. Here is an example conversation, similar to one I've actually encountered:
Person A: Sorry I missed the meeting this afternoon. I got caught up in a huge scandal at work.
Person B: Oh? Sounds pretty severe. What happened?
Person A: 不清楚.
In this conversation, Person A knows the instigators and the reasons for the scandal. In order to protect others, however, she is not willing to admit what happened. Person A can therefore employ the phrase "不清楚" to silence the conversation.
Yet there is a second 不清楚 scenario that is more transparent in its murkiness. 不清楚 admits humility when we are not sure of the source, the reason, or the appropriate response to a situation. Here is another example conversation:
Person A: Brian and I are glad to be back in the US this month. We've enjoyed resting and reconnecting with people.
Person B: We're glad you're here, too! Any idea what your plans are when you return to China after Labor Day?
Person A: 不清楚.
Yes, dear reader, I am indeed Person A in this conversation. 不清楚 describes our life in August 2012: our employment and income situation? 不清楚. How would we find a car to drive around Atlanta that month, and then later to DC? 不清楚. What visas would we obtain to return to China? 不清楚. What were the multiple bumps that had recently developed under my skin? 不清楚.
Here is a portion of prayer from my journal at the time: I am very vulnerable, and I don’t know where to turn. Equip Brian and me, and protect us (August 5, 2012). 不清楚 is the desert, the airport waiting area, a dimly lit street at 3am. It's uncomfortable, exposed, and potentially unsafe.
Though much of our lives in August 2012 were 不清楚, we nonetheless discovered new clarity about ourselves and our country after a year away. Here are some of my lightly edited observations:
God, I confess too a bit of heartbreak here in the States as far as the apathy some feel towards you. I can tell some people here are desperately bored, and they blame you for that boredom. Heal their anger, Lord.
Jesus, I praise you too that Brian and I feel strangely empowered. You have freed us from obsessions and from insecurities that previously held us captive. Thank you that we are freed from many of the chains of materialism, not caring about meaningless details about the products and services that we buy. Thank you too that we aren’t trying to impress others.
In some ways, I was blinded at the time. In other ways, my vision had improved after a year in China. Our 不清楚 territory that month happened to be tied to a farflung nation. Yet God can drive us to the harsh land of 不清楚 without us even leaving our homes. In fact, I find myself again in the blurred bounds of 不清楚 here in my home country. Whether we move abroad or stay put, living in 不清楚 is uncomfortable as hell. But it can work for our good.
Though I squirm and churn for a way out of 不清楚, I am trying to trust God for transparency. I am grateful for the insight the Lord provided in August 2012 about myself and my culture. In these recent 不清楚 days, I am holding onto the promises that the Lord gave me in today's Bible reading:
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.
Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame;
let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long (Psalm 25: 1-5).
Person A: Sorry I missed the meeting this afternoon. I got caught up in a huge scandal at work.
Person B: Oh? Sounds pretty severe. What happened?
Person A: 不清楚.
In this conversation, Person A knows the instigators and the reasons for the scandal. In order to protect others, however, she is not willing to admit what happened. Person A can therefore employ the phrase "不清楚" to silence the conversation.
Yet there is a second 不清楚 scenario that is more transparent in its murkiness. 不清楚 admits humility when we are not sure of the source, the reason, or the appropriate response to a situation. Here is another example conversation:
Person A: Brian and I are glad to be back in the US this month. We've enjoyed resting and reconnecting with people.
Person B: We're glad you're here, too! Any idea what your plans are when you return to China after Labor Day?
Person A: 不清楚.
Yes, dear reader, I am indeed Person A in this conversation. 不清楚 describes our life in August 2012: our employment and income situation? 不清楚. How would we find a car to drive around Atlanta that month, and then later to DC? 不清楚. What visas would we obtain to return to China? 不清楚. What were the multiple bumps that had recently developed under my skin? 不清楚.
Here is a portion of prayer from my journal at the time: I am very vulnerable, and I don’t know where to turn. Equip Brian and me, and protect us (August 5, 2012). 不清楚 is the desert, the airport waiting area, a dimly lit street at 3am. It's uncomfortable, exposed, and potentially unsafe.
Though much of our lives in August 2012 were 不清楚, we nonetheless discovered new clarity about ourselves and our country after a year away. Here are some of my lightly edited observations:
God, I confess too a bit of heartbreak here in the States as far as the apathy some feel towards you. I can tell some people here are desperately bored, and they blame you for that boredom. Heal their anger, Lord.
Jesus, I praise you too that Brian and I feel strangely empowered. You have freed us from obsessions and from insecurities that previously held us captive. Thank you that we are freed from many of the chains of materialism, not caring about meaningless details about the products and services that we buy. Thank you too that we aren’t trying to impress others.
In some ways, I was blinded at the time. In other ways, my vision had improved after a year in China. Our 不清楚 territory that month happened to be tied to a farflung nation. Yet God can drive us to the harsh land of 不清楚 without us even leaving our homes. In fact, I find myself again in the blurred bounds of 不清楚 here in my home country. Whether we move abroad or stay put, living in 不清楚 is uncomfortable as hell. But it can work for our good.
Though I squirm and churn for a way out of 不清楚, I am trying to trust God for transparency. I am grateful for the insight the Lord provided in August 2012 about myself and my culture. In these recent 不清楚 days, I am holding onto the promises that the Lord gave me in today's Bible reading:
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.
Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame;
let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long (Psalm 25: 1-5).